Screwin' With the Colonel
by Kali Seito
Summary: After Ed finds out Roy's got a crush on him he decides to get some payback and exact some sweet sweet revenge. Now of course, the Colonel won't take that LYING DOWN. Or will he. . . EDxRoy fluff FINISHED
1. The Plot

**My first FMA fic! Be nice. **

**Chapter 1: The Plot**

_Ed always hated answering to people. Colonel Mustang was the worse because of his arrogance. So when Ed was faced with a choice he simply couldn't pass it up._

Ed arrived in Central late at night from a mission in a city near Risembool. Due to protocol, he was supposed to immediately give his report in to Mustang but he was thoroughly exhausted. Al had decided to spend some time with Winry and Pinako so Ed was free to travel by himself for some time. Despite it being late at night, Ed was sure Mustang would still be awake, probably going over some paperwork, and he was not ready to face the Colonel.

He was able to sneak into headquarters undetected by anyone but Hawkeye and into his room. When faced with her, he faltered immediately. "Lieutenant Hawkeye," he said quickly, saluting. "Good to see you, Fullmetal sir. Did your mission go well?" He scratched the back of his head, "Yeah, I suppose so. I'm exhausted. Is Mustang awake?" Hawkeye nodded, "Yes sir." Ed sighed, "I was afraid of that. I'm too tired to deal with that idiot. I'll give my report tomorrow."

Hawkeye gave him a stern gaze. "Are you sure that's wise, Fullmetal?" He shrugged. "I don't care if it is or not, I'm going to bed. I will see you in the morning, Hawkeye." And he walked into HQ to his room. Almost instantly, he fell asleep. But Edward Elric's sleep hardly ever came without nightmares. . . .

In the dream, he was in Risembool. A younger version of Winry appeared. She was smiling brightly and in the next moment she was crying, having found out her parents were dead. "It was all the State's fault! They murdered them," she sobbed. She vanished and was replaced by Elicia Hughes. Elicia gave a bight smile and then she too was crying, at her father's funeral. "Why're they burying Daddy? Stop them, Mommy! Daddy has a lot of work to do!" Ed's eyes narrowed. "Shit," he cursed lowly. And then Elicia looked at him. "Why didn't you help? The Homunculus got him. . ." Ed shut his eyes tightly. "Damn." When he opened them again, he was a little boy standing in front of his mother. He held the silver horse he transmuted for her. "Look mom! I made it for you!"

She smiled. "You did it perfect, Edward." She paused and a shadow passed over her face. "But you couldn't make me perfect," she added and blood ran down her face. In the blink of an eye, he was back at the night he and Al had tried their human transmutation for her. The disfigured form of his mother shrieked at him. He could see her inside out heart beating and he screamed. . .

At the same time, Mustang was standing outside Ed's room ready to really chew him out about not giving his report before he heard Ed's scream. It was so sudden, Roy jerked to keep himself from rushing into the room and cradling Ed in his arms and. . .wait, what? He peeked through the door which was slightly ajar and saw Ed hugging his knees to his chest. He was sobbing quietly and Roy found the sight pricked his heart sharply. He had grown a strange fondness for Ed, one could even say he had a crush on him, but to cover that up he seemed to enjoy verbally abusing him.

Not now though. He really did wish he could give Ed a tight hug but he held himself back. _Fullmetal looks really shook. Nightmares, I suspect._ He sighed, figuring he could always just bug him tomorrow. Hesitantly, he left Ed to his tears and a relentless sleep.

* * *

The next day, Ed woke up with a headache and a heavy heart. He pulled himself to his feet and began to get dressed. The morning light was a contrast to his somber mood and he knew Mustang would only make it worse. He just didn't know how much.

"Could somebody tell me what the hell is going on!"

Hawkeye was standing patiently in front of a fuming Mustang whose entire desk was covered with papers. Ed watched from the hall. . . Mustang covered his eyes. "This is completely crazy! How is it that work can never be finished around this place!" Hawkeye looked at him patiently. "Colonel Mustang, try to control yourself. It's just a few papers." Ed turned the corner into the room and gave a lazy salute. "Good morning, Lieutenant Hawkeye. Colonel Mustang."

"What's so good about it," Mustang muttered, sitting back in his chair. Ed felt bad for him for a moment before Mustang set into him. "And why don't you tell me the reason why you didn't report to me last night?" Ed's defense went up immediately, "I was tired, okay?" The colonel rose up again this time with a cocky expression on his face. "And just what are you tired from? You went to stop a string of murders correct? But as I understand it, three deaths occurred while you were in the town before the criminal was apprehended!"

Ed stopped, his eyes narrowed. He knew that, had mourned that family's death, even berated himself; maybe he could have done something. . . Roy took his silence as defeat. "I don't have time to hear any excuses. Unlike you, I try to get my work done as quickly as possible. Observe!" In the blink of an eye, Mustang swirled with exaggerated elegance and raised his right hand. "In no time at all the work will be finished!" He snapped his fingers and set all the papers on fire. Hawkeye sweatdropped before rushing out of the room for a fire extinguisher.

Ed smiled inwardly. He liked Mustang's time to time periods of insanity. They reminded him of himself. "Yep, you've got everything under control, I see." Mustang nodded firmly, "Damn right, Fullmetal. Now get out." Ed shrugged and turned for the door as Hawkeye returned to extinguish his desk. Mustang sat back and smiled. "Sir, is it just me or do you seem more manic lately?" Mustang closed his eyes and sighed. "I've been so stressed. Riza, can I tell you something that you promise not to tell anyone else?" _Are we in fourth grade_, she thought briefly before nodding.

Ed perked outside, listening carefully. Mustang sighed again and after a pause said, "I think I'm starting to really like Fullmetal." Both listeners balked. "You _like_ Fullmetal!" Mustang rolled his eyes a little and nodded, "Yeah." Hawkeye's eyes grew slightly sad. "But about. . ." Ed was silently freaking out. _He didn't just say that? I thought he liked Hawkeye. This is way too freaky. I can't stand that jerk! Besides, I like Winry. What can I. . ._His thoughts slowed as something devious started to form in the back of his mind. _So Mustang seems to like me, huh? Now this is interesting. . ._ He snuck off to his room to further his plot.

**First chapter complete! Ten reviews for the next chapter, thank you!**


	2. Plan of Action

**Oo-er, reviewers! -tears- Arigato, minna-san. Everyone seemed to feel that I wouldn't update for a while. Let it be known that I'm an otaku with no life outside this screen. That's an exaggeration but you get the point.**

**RejectedAndLoved - You're welcome!  
Dorayaki - Thankies  
Neo Diji - Riseth for I am at the beck and call of the reviewers  
Artephius - I know. It's to ensure reviewers for the next chappie  
Miss DarkRose – Here ya go!  
PatrioticPuppy - lol!  
keosis-chan - Here you go!  
Ice - -throws you Ed plushies- Knock yerself out  
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Hiei's Gothic Angel - Whee!  
SuicidalKitsune - Will keep that in mind.  
Delf-sama - Never heard it before? It was bound to come up. . .  
sirius'sheelah - Good luck with that.**

Chapter 2: Plan of Action

Ed had spent _all_ day thinking of the perfect plan to get his revenge and finally it came to him and the idea was so very _ludicrous_ that he'd laughed out loud as it came to him. He'd removed his shirt and did several exercises: pushups, sit-ups, and those such things until he was covered with a fine sheen of sweat. Next he unbraided his hair and then checked to make sure the hallways were empty. He silently crept into the hallway and headed for Mustang's office. He knew that Mustang would be awake because he had to replace the paperwork he'd torched earlier. So as he knocked lightly on the door, Edward grinned, happy to put his plan into action.

He was going to seduce the Colonel.

"Come in," Mustang said. Ed opened the door slowly and leaned against it, with a smile on his face. It took a while for Roy to notice but when he did his expression was priceless. His jaw dropped slightly and his usually calm eyes were wide. "Ah, Fullmetal?" he said, dazed. He couldn't help but notice that the Fullmetal Alchemist was shirtless and sweating somewhat. It took most of Roy's willpower to keep his tongue from lolling out of his mouth. His hair was free from its usual braid and it flowed about his shoulders.

Ed moved into the room, slowly with exaggerated movements. "I just came by to see what you were up to." Roy raised an eyebrow but Ed continued. "I also came to apologize for earlier. I didn't mean to make you mad." He took a seat on Roy's desk and looked at him with a dreamy smile. "You forgive me. . .don't you?" Mustang couldn't find the tongue to reply. He watched mesmerized as Ed licked his lips. The Fullmetal's eyes fixed intently on Roy's face. "What," Mustang asked, cluelessly. "I think you have something on your face," Ed replied leaning in closer to the Colonel.

Roy could feel Fullmetal's breath on his face. Their lips were inches away before Ed pulled away. "Oh, my mistake." Roy felt a feeling of loss so great he thought it could crush him. And unless he was mistaken, the Fullmetal seemed to be _enjoying_ that. He stretched lightly and Roy fixed his eyes on Ed's well toned abs before the young alchemist pulled away. "It's late. I'll be heading back to bed now." Somewhat girlishly, he flicked his hair over his shoulder and left without another word.

And Roy was left to gape.

After awhile, his eyes narrowed some in anger, some in amusement. "Now what just happened? Is Fullmetal...is he in love with me," he whispered to himself. "Shit," he cursed lowly, noticing his throbbing hard on. He lowered his head to the desk. "How embarrassing."

Ed at the time was laughing like a maniac. "That was hilarious!" he congratulated himself. "The look on that big idiot's face!" He laughed again and fell back onto the bed. "Who's got the upper hand now, Flame?"

* * *

The next day, HQ was relatively calm. Ed forgot his evil plots for a while and wandered. He wandered into the libraries, he wandered into the mess hall, he wandered around the battlefield. There seemed nothing to do but torture the Colonel. He smirked with the prospect but found he had no step two. Well...maybe a step one and a half. He grinned drawing a lollipop from his pocket.

Again he found himself in Roy's office but found the Flame Alchemist to be fast asleep. Lazily, he climbed onto the desk, putting the lollipop in his mouth and faced away from Roy. With his back to him, he didn't notice when the Flame opened his eyes. "Fullmetal!" Ed looked over his shoulder, taking the lollipop out of his mouth. "Yeah?" Roy backed away from him. "What are you doing?" He shrugged turning away again, "Sitting." He twisted around and fixed his eyes on Mustang.

He didn't blink as his tongue curled around the red candy. Mustang's eye twitched a little and he leaned over to hide his growing boner. "What's the matter," Ed said, quietly. He jumped from then desk and stood in front of Mustang. Roy looked up to see Ed leering at him. "I'd hate to think something was wrong with you, Mustang." He stuck his tongue out at him and turned to go to the door. Mustang rose to his feet angrily, "You have _not_ been dismissed, Fullmetal!" Ed yawned and as he did so, his tongue ran lightly over his top lip, cooling Mustang's temper. He smiled and left the room, bumping into Hawkeye.

Or more accurately he bumped into Hawkeye's new shiny, silver Magnum. He sweat dropped immediately and back away. "Sorry Hawkeye." She nodded faintly then walked past him into Mustang's office. The Colonel was furious. Hawkeye could see that his papers had been swept onto the floor. He looked almost as scary as Armstrong in a skirt.

"Colonel Mustang," Hawkeye's voice was calm. "What," he barked, baring his teeth to her. This amused her; he was acting like a dog. Well, Hawkeye had just a bit of experience in dog training. She raised her gun and fired six rapid shots. When the dust cleared, Mustang was up against a wall, frozen and afraid. "Sit," she said simply. "Now hang on! I'm the Colonel here!" She raised the gun and cocked it. "Sit," she said again, a dangerous warning.

Roy sat.

She replaced the gun in the holster and sat on his desk. She looked thoughtful and then said. "I've been thinking of what you said before. About your. . ._affection_ for the Fullmetal. And as your preceding ranked officer, I cannot allow this. Edward Elric is just a child. Should you be discovered you would lose all respect from the State." Hawkeye finished and narrowed her eyes, sadly. Mustang was surprised but then smiled.

"Before when I said that. . .I lied. I don't like Fullmetal." Hawkeye sighed and lowered her head, "You're lying." He stood up, "Riza." She turned and found herself connected to a pair of lips. He pulled away and smiled at her, "Only you." An uncharacteristic blush appeared on her cheeks and she stood up. "Uh..." Mustang smiled, "Dismissed." Hawkeye saluted and quickly left the room, with a smile on her face.

Mustang sighed taking his seat again. He felt bad to lie to Hawkeye but he had to throw her off. He was in love with Fullmetal and no one was going to get in the way. Well. . .maybe one person. A certain machine junkie, ass-whooping, wrench swinging, blonde-haired bitch.

Roy and Ed were within sight and sound of each other when quite unexpectedly, Winry burst through the doors. And when I say burst, I mean _burst_. As in the doors swung upon, revealing a finely dressed Winry. "Edward!" she shouted and tackled him to the ground, arms tightened around his neck. As Ed struggled for air, Mustang's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Winry, what are-?"

She was howling into his neck, "I'm so happy to see you, Ed. I've missed you a lot." Ed's eyebrows went up, "You have?" He noticed Mustang's expression and grinned widely. "Uh, so have I!" He returned her hug and locked eyes with the Flame Alchemist.

And then he winked.

Mustang could hardly react before Al suddenly joined the duo. "Brother," he said in greeting. "What's up, Al?" Ed said, detaching himself from the crazed automailist and smiling at his brother. "Nothing much." Something about his voice led Ed to believe he was hiding something. But then Winry started in again, talking about the long trip. Mustang took the time to slip away, soundlessly. He wandered for a bit but then found himself back in his office.

Ed had separated from his brother and Winry to rest for awhile. He was concerned about himself and his new-found feelings for Mustang. Sure, he loved torturing him but he didn't think he'd love it _this_ much. The very thought of Mustang made his heart twist. He stood up and went to find him. He was busy as always, deep in the paperwork that seemed to always cover his desk. He leaned against the wall and was silent. "What do you want, Fullmetal? I'm very busy."

Ed nodded, "I can see that." Mustang was directly avoiding his eyes. "What's wrong," Ed asked, a little curious. "Nothing a little kid like you would be interested in." _Little!_ Ed's eye twitched. "Fine. Sorry I asked, jerk." Mustang chuckled into his paper. "You really are just a shrimp." Ed's fist clenched. "Who're you callin' a shrimp, moron?"

"You, shorty."

"Idiot."

"Flea."

"Asshole."

"Midget."

"Dick!"

"You're shorter than your temper."

"You're dumber than a sack of bricks!"

"At least I don't need a booster seat to see over a table."

"At least I don't happen to have a god complex that stops me from seeing anything other than the reflection in my mirror." Mustang's eyes were narrowed angrily. Ed's fists and teeth were clenched.

The tension was cut with the appearance of Winry.

She blinked and looked around. "I'm sorry. Am I. . .interrupting?"

Ed gained a cocky grin and stepped in front of her. He took her hand and said seriously. "Winry, there's something I need to tell you."

**CLIFF! Sorry but I had to make sure, you'd keep reading. (I think I've effectively shorted the paragraphs ne, SuicidalKitsune?) Had to add Ed and Roy's little spat for the hell of it. Keep reviewers, my loves!**


	3. Devious Military Officers

**I notice that some people have me on their favorites but haven't reviewed. And this upsets me. You do _not_ want to make the authoress angry, I assure you. To those who _did_ review, thank you and here's your acknowledgements. **

**Icicle1321- That I will.  
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Neo Diji - -grins- **

**  
Chapter 3: Devious Military Officers**

Ed took her hand and said seriously. "Winry, there's something I need to tell you." Winry looked at him surprised, "What is it, Ed?" Looking back, Ed thought he was being pretty insensitive. At that time he didn't care about Winry; he just wanted to get back at Mustang. "I think I'm in love with you," he said. And he leaned towards her and kissed her right on the lips. To say Winry was surprised was an understatement. She couldn't have been more surprised unless she saw her grandmother wearing Al's armor and chugging a high caffeine drink on a sunny Sunday morning.

* * *

Ed & Winry: What!

Me: Hey, who controls the keys here?

Ed & Winry: -sullenly- You. . .

Me: That's right.

Ed: -mumbling- Crazy bitch. . .

Me: -vein-

Ed: -cowers-

* * *

_Winry's lips are very soft._

_Oh no! How can I tell him now?_

_Fuckin'. . .Little brat!_

Winry pulled away from him and looked at him sadly. "Oh Ed." She lowered her head and ran from the room. Ed watched her go then he turned to look at Mustang. The Colonel was standing stock-still and his jaw had dropped. Ed licked his lips and put a finger to one. "She's got cherry lip-gloss. Tasty." He grinned and turned away. Mustang, once again, was furious. "How can you date a girl taller than you!" he shouted at him. But Ed was too gone to here.

Mustang took his seat and put her hand over his eyes. "Damn. Sometimes Fullmetal is such a bitch. He won't get away with this. C'mon Roy, _think_."

Ed meanwhile had lost sight of Winry. "Boy, that was harsh." _That big jerk had it comin'. Always making fun of my height. I hope Winry's okay though. _He really couldn't find her. Al was gone too. He shrugged it off and went to the Central Library and didn't return for the rest of the day.

For the rest of the day, no one went near the Flame Alchemist. His very aura burned as much as his alchemy flame. Only Hawkeye got close and he was unresponsive to her. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he noted that she seemed very upset by this but was too mad to care.

He'd been musing over the Fullmetal Alchemist for so long and he'd had enough. If that little punk think he'd get away with toying with him, he was sorely mistaken. No one fucks with the Flame goddamn Alchemist. Ed had to be taught a lesson. If he thought he could mess with the Colonel's heart, well the Colonel could do it right back. And later that night when a slightly intoxicated Hawkeye stumbling toward him, he got a brilliant and somewhat sick idea.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye, now let me guess what you've been up to." Hawkeye giggled. Roy's eye twitched at that. She hadn't laughed in such a way since long ago. "I just had a drink, is all," she said smiling. Her words were slurred and Mustang sighed. "Just _one_?" She nodded, staggering toward him. "That's right. Only one," and she collapsed into his arms. He sighed again, holding her close. "Forgive me, Riza," he whispered and lifted her into his arms.

Stage 1

He was heading for his office, which was fortunately on a route past Ed's room. As he walked by, he kicked the door rather violently. Some sort of shuffling could be heard and just as a measure of precaution, Roy kicked the door again. "Dammit," Ed cursed loudly.

Stage 2

Right outside his office, Mustang quickly scrawled a small transmutation circle on the doorframe at approximately Ed's height. He then walked in and left the door ajar and waited for the bite.

Stage 3

Ed stuck his head out the door and watched Mustang take Hawkeye down the hall. He didn't like this at all. If the Colonel thought that he'd get laid tonight, then Ed made it part of his agenda to stop that. He followed quietly.

Mustang set Hawkeye in a sitting position on his desk and gently patted her face. "Hey. Hey Riza, wake up," he said gently. Slowly, her eyes opened and she looked at him curiously. "Uh... Roy?" He smiled at her and she smiled back. " Roy," she said affectionately and kissed him.

Ed stopped outside the door and looked inside. When he saw Hawkeye and Mustang kissing, his breath caught. To stop himself from moving he grabbed onto the doorframe. Mustang didn't miss any of this. _Hook, line, and sinker_, he thought, triumphantly.

The second Ed's hand passed over the transmutation circle Roy had created, he froze. As in, he was unable to move.

_What in the hell? What's going on?_ He struggled to remove his hand, to no avail. His mouth didn't move when he tried to shout. The young alchemist looked at the circle beneath his fingers and gave an inaudible gasp. _Izumi-sensei taught me about that mark. It's not alchemy, it's more like some kind of magic spell. It's nothing like a dangerous human transmutation or a taboo. It's called a zira._

_The zira manipulates an alchemist's power. The more power an alchemist has the more effective the spell would me. The alchemic energies that flow throughout my body have been completely shot by the zira. _

_And now this bastard's making me watch. . ._

Mustang seemed to know of Ed's thought and grinned over Hawkeye's shoulder. He kissed her back, deeply. Ed's attempts to shut his eyes were in vain. They were frozen open as well. Mustang smiled and rubbed the back of Riza's neck then he reached up and pulled her hair free.

Ed gave a silent growl. _I'm. Going. To. Kill him. _Riza closed her eyes and nuzzled his neck softly. "Thank you, Roy." Mustang opened one eye and looked at Ed. His eyes were devoid of all cockiness. It was a look that said to Ed, 'Don't fuck with me.' Roy closed his eyes again and Ed was able to move.

He turned away and sped to his room and spent hours wondering why his heart hurt so much before falling into a restless sleep.

* * *

The next morning in passing, the two alchemists had very different reactions. Ed diverted his gaze when he saw Mustang and the Colonel simply stared ahead behind his mask of cool indifference. Ed didn't even know how he should feel. Sure Mustang was a ruthless bastard for doing that but Ed couldn't help feeling that he deserved it.

Ed went through the day, avoiding Mustang whenever he could. He finally found himself on the headquarter stairs accompanied by Hawkeye's loyal companion, Black Hayate, who was no longer a puppy. "I wonder why I feel so badly," he thought, scratching Hayate behind the ears. The dog whined appreciatively.

"Fullmetal."

The voice sent unexplainable shivers up his spine. Of course, it was our lovely Colonel. "What," he said quietly. "Hopefully, you have now learned that you cannot mess with me and withdraw unscathed." Ed patted Hayate's head and nodded slowly not meeting Mustang's eyes. "Surely such a little pest couldn't have posed much of a threat anyway." Ed's eye twitched, "You better quit making fun of my height."

Mustang's voice was weighed with amusement. "Or you'll do what exactly? Besides, I'm making fun of your absence of height." Ed, for once, controlled his anger. Now he ignored the Colonel. Mustang smirked. "Good. It would appear that you and Black Hayate are not so different."

The fact that he'd just been called a short was common so Ed didn't bother to rant. But the fact that he'd been called a dog set him off. By the time he realized the insult the Colonel was gone and Ed was short of siccing Hayate on the Colonel. Hell, he'd even do it himself. Show Mustang how much of a dog he could be. An image of himself gnawing on Mustang's leg briefly crossed his mind. It was then Ed knew he couldn't let the Colonel win. "C'mon Hayate," Ed said rising to his feet. "We've got some scavenging to do."

If anyone in HQ had been paying attention they would have seen a black, red, and gold blur speeding through the hallways. Ed peered around the corner of Mustang's office and grinned. He was nowhere around. A grin spread across the young alchemist's face. "Okay Hayate." He held up his hand, indicating the white glove. "Go and find it, boy." Hayate nodded and trotted into the office. He sniffed around the Colonel's drawer and within seconds had brought Ed about eight different pairs of ignition cloth gloves.

Ed, whose grin now resembled something to that of a crazed maniac's, took the gloves and patted Hayate appreciatively. "Good boy." And he snuck away to await a time when Mustang could be caught extremely off-guard. He was going to win.

Or get flamed trying.

**IMPORTANT: THE NEXT CHAPTER HAS SHOUNEN-AI! So please don't give up on me, the next chapter will have been worth a wait. I'm SORRY SORRY SORRY but I can't give you a preview or else it'll ruin it for you. But TRUST ME, you won't want to miss the next chapter.**


	4. Love at Last

**So many loving reviewers! But I'm only getting a small number of reviews for each chapter. . .I would surely hate to hold out chapters on you.**

**But I will if I have to. **

**Icicle1321 - There will be shooting. And pistol-whipping!  
keosis-chan - Chapter for you, loyal reviewer.  
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**NOW LISTEN UP, I WANT TEN SOLID REVIEWERS FOR THIS CHAP, GOT IT? **

**Chapter 4: Love at Last **

Stage 1

Ed was dozing in the hallway leading to Mustang's office. His plan was simple; whenever they encountered each other Mustang manipulated Ed's lack of height knowing it was his weakness. And now Ed had to do the same to Mustang. The Flame Alchemist liked to think he had no weakness but far from it. Ed knew.

He lowered his head and waited.

Almost a half hour later, when he actually had almost drifted to sleep, Mustang stepped from his office. Fortunately, he didn't trip over the roadblock that was the young alchemist. "Watch where you're going," Ed muttered faintly. Mustang straightened with a cocky smirk. "I do hope you'll forgive me. With such a small blockade one is liable to fall." Ed carefully contained his anger.

His complete ignorance of Roy's comment perked the older alchemist's interest. "Fullmetal, I'm speaking to you. Or perhaps, you can't hear me from way down there?" Again, Ed was silent. Mustang raised an eyebrow, curious as to why nothing worked in irritating him. Irritating Ed was one of Mustang's favorite pastimes. _How disappointing._

He stepped carefully over Ed's legs. "Don't stay there to long, Fullmetal. One could easily forget you were sitting there." Ed's only response was a bored yawn. Mustang's eyes narrowed and he continued on his way. Edward grinned when he was sure that the Colonel was out of ear and eye shot. "That's advantage: Elric," he said triumphantly and rose to his feet.

In short, it continued that way for the rest of the day. All of Ed's friends, family, and acquaintances would be astonished by the patience that Ed displayed because Mustang was dishing out his best and at every turn.

Like in the mess hall.

"Don't forget to drink your milk, Fullmetal. It would surely benefit what little height you have." Ed eyed his milk like it was a more formidable opponent than Mustang and left it on the tray.

And in the library.

Ed searched the shelves of books as Mustang snuck up from behind. "Shall I call someone to help you, Fullmetal? Or maybe I'll just get you a stepping stool to reach the high-up books." Ed snapped close his alchemy book and left the bewildered Colonel.

And on the battlefield as he sparred with Al.

"Maybe we should find him a more height-suitable opponent. Say, a seven-year old?"

_All day. _

_"Vertically challenged." _

_"Half-pint."_

_"Chibi Alchemist."_

_"Short stuff."_

_"Little man."_

_"Pocket-sized dwarf."_

After every insult, Ed returned to his room and carefully burned a pair of Mustang's gloves with a small lighter. After, Ed's non-reaction to, "Tiny runt," Mustang was verbally exhausted. He sighed faintly and stopped short from saying, "I give up." and just retreated to his office. Well, Stage 1: Ignore the Colonel went very well and as night fell, Ed was completely prepared.

He went to Mustang's office and opened the door without asking. The Colonel looked up, "What is it _now_, Fullmetal? I have no time for games. Please find some else you can waste time-" Ed cut him off. "Come with me." And he turned away, knowing the Colonel would follow. And follow he did. He was silent while he walked behind the golden-haired boy. "Fullmetal, where are we going?" The duo exited the HQ building as Ed stood some feet away from Mustang.

The Colonel was pleasantly surprised. "Care to tell me what is going on?" he asked the rigid teen. Ed's fist clenched and he exploded. "YOU THINK I'LL LET YOU CALL ME SOME HALF PINT, MICRO, POCKET-SIZED, TINY, UNSEEABLE, COMPACT ALCHEMIST YOU CAN CARRY AROUND ON A KEYCHAIN! Well, you're gonna learn Mustang." He clapped his hands together and created a blade on his auto-mail. "What I lack in height, I make up for in other departments."

Mustang's surprise changed to amusement. "You came to fight me? In that case, I fully accept." He pulled his hands from his pockets and raised it. "Are you rea-?" He was cut off as Ed charged at him. The Flame Alchemist's eyes narrowed and he snapped his fingers. Ed was already in the air as the blast of fire completely missed him. Mustang brought up his left hand and snapped again causing Ed to twist in mid-air. With a wild yell, he swung down and slashed open the front of the Colonel's uniform with the blade.

Mustang was very surprised that Ed had landed a blow. He jumped away but not before Ed could move in for another attack. He barely dodged an enraged swing at his head but he knew he had to. To be struck in the face by Ed would just be too much embarrassment. "My, you're aggressive aren't you?" Mustang said and snapped his fingers. Ed clapped both hands and then slammed them on the ground. A giant stone shield rose up. There was a black vortex in the middle and the fire was pulled in. "Strike quickly, and you'll end it quickly," Ed growled, quoting Mustang from their very first battle.

Mustang laughed. "Oh, you're quoting me now? You must really look up to me. Of course, you have to do that all the time." Ed slammed his hand against the shield and the fire that had been sucked in was now redirected right at Mustang.

**"What?"**

Needless to say, he was caught off-guard and ended up getting blasted by his own attack. Mustang flew a few feet and ended up on his back. Ed retracted the metal blade and again slammed his hands onto the ground. The rocks that had been dislodged from the ground because of his attack, melted slowly around Mustang. Surprise took over and it was too late when he noticed they were becoming water. His gloves were soaked.

Ed walked to where Mustang sat, standing in front of his officer. "A soldier favors haste over cleverness. But I favor both." A corner of his mouth lifted but then he smirked. "Oh you think you're clever?" He drew back his left hand and swung at Ed's stomach. But he'd expected that move. He caught the Colonel's attack with his automail hand, (severely hurting Mustang's hand in the process) and smirked an equally cocky smirk. "Yes. I do." Before the older man could react, Ed violently wrenched off his glove and headed back into HQ.

"Hey!" Mustang watched him run and rose to his feet. "Fullmetal!" He growled lowly and ran after the fleeting alchemist. Maybe it was because of Ed's size but he was able to jump, duck, and dodge furniture and obstacles. But being a war hero, Mustang could do this too. Ed jumped and cleared a fallen chair. Mustang, with surprising grace, sent himself into a one-handed front flip and also cleared it. Ed slowed a little to watch but kept moving, finally hiding in his room. Mustang furiously tried to dry his wet glove as he stood outside the door.

"Nowhere to run now, Fullmetal," he said darkly and kicked open the door. He ducked on instinct and with reason as Ed swung at his head. The Colonel retaliated with a swung of his own and Ed bent back and flipped away from him. He held up Mustang's glove. "This is what you want, right?" He stepped forward, "It's all for you." He barely finished his sentence before he lunged with another punch at Mustang.

But the older alchemist had anticipated that. The Colonel's fist buried itself comfortably into the center of Ed's stomach. The blonde-haired teen doubled over, wheezing and Roy took the time to snatch his glove back. "Foolish," the Flame Alchemist said, withdrawing his fist and causing Ed to fall to his knees. Ed struggled for breath but looked up as Mustang slipped on the glove, watched as the expression of surprise crossed his face and as the alchemist turned still.

Ed grinned, slowly rising to his feet. "Foolish, Mustang?" He took a short, painful breath. "You couldn't have seen it unless you were searching for it. While you were outside, I took the time to draw a zira circle on the inside of your glove. I'd say that was pretty clever, huh? I learned all about it," he continued. "It's up to me how much you can move. I left you the use of your limbs and mouth but it won't do you any good." Slowly, he reached up and ran a warm metallic finger down the side of Roy's face.

"Now I have you all for myself. . ."

"You said it yourself," he continued. (Mango quotes proceeding.) "The first thing you should do to gain control in a battle is to immobilize your enemy." Ed looked Mustang up and down. "Enemy: immobilized. Surprise attacks are very effective." He looked at Mustang's face. "You seem surprised to me." Mustang regained a former smirk. "And now what do you plan to do with me, Edward?"

Edward took Mustang's right hand and raised it to his face with a bored expression. "Whatever I want." Slowly, he bit down on the tip of Mustang's index finger and pulled off the glove with his teeth. Mustang watched, amazed as Ed performed the action and then slipped the glove onto his automail hand. It had dried now too which was bad news for Mustang.

"If I remember: When you snap, it makes a spark. Then, you use Alchemy to change the air's oxygen density and create bombs on command." Ed snapped his fingers and a spark appeared in midair. He did a few more times than smiled. "Easy." He leaned in to within inches of Mustang's face. "Now what _will_ I do with you?"

Tension built in Mustang's eyes. "Fullmetal, you can be so unfair." Ed raised an eyebrow. "Fair? It was you who told me, 'all war is deception. That there are no cheap shots.' Mustang nodded, "It's good to know you listen to what I say." Ed lowered his eyelids and smiled, "I do more than that." He turned now and leaned against Mustang's body. "A frozen colonel and a handsome, young prodigy. What could happen?" With Ed in that position, Roy couldn't control his lust. Ed smiled faintly as he felt a part of Mustang's anatomy poke him in the back. Just to tease him, Ed gently moved his hips against him and listened with pleasure to his sharp intake of breath.

He turned back around and put his hands on the table and leaned close to the Colonel pressing their chests together. They were nose to nose. "What're you thinking, Mustang?" Ed questioned. _How much you need a breath mint_, he thought but refrained from saying. It wasn't true but Mustang thought he'd be happy with how Ed reacted. "I'm thinking, I may have underestimated you. And also that you're driving me crazy."

Ed leaned in closer. "What I lack in height, I make up for in sneakiness. You'd do well to remember that." Their lips brushed as Ed spoke and Roy felt himself almost explode. Even more so, when Ed pulled away.

He was speechless. Ed saw this and smiled, "What?" Mustang closed his eyes. Ed's smile grew bolder and his voice was smug. "You trudge around here like you're God on a gold platter but you undoubtedly know I'm an atheist. The mighty always fall and now it's time to teach you some humility." He regained his position and leaned into Mustang, their manhoods brushing briefly. "Now say it."

Mustang considered all possibly alternatives but there were none. Sadly, Fullmetal had him beat. The revelation astounded him. His lips were _so_ _close_. . .Maybe, humbleness was the best way out. "Say it," Fullmetal said again.

"Ed. I want you."

Ed shook his head. "Ah uh." Mustang gulped. "No, I need you." Ed looked into his eyes. "Magic word?" Mustang sighed inwardly. "Please. Please Ed." He was short from pleading. Ed saw this and gave him his reward. The kiss was soft and sweet, pleasing beyond belief to Mustang. Ed, too had been holding back his desire, he let it all go now as their lips pressed together lovingly. He sharply bit back a moan.

Mustang's tongue ran over Ed's bottom lip, begging for entrance and Ed granted it. Their tongues battled briefly for dominance with Roy's winning and Ed smiled inwardly. The two broke apart when their lungs shouted for their damnable need of air. Ed lowered his head, panting slightly and then he turned away from Mustang and removed his shirt. He removed the glove with the zira circle and Mustang imitated his young love.

Ed smiled at him. "This should be fun." Mustang walked towards him and looked down at Ed. "I expect so." And again, he pressed his lips to the blonde teenager's. Roy took Ed's hand and led him to the bed. Seconds passed in which both alchemist's pants were discarded and Ed grew nervous, watching Mustang in all his glory. "Having second thoughts, Ed?" His resolve (and other things) hardened and he shook his head, "No sir."

Mustang smirked and distracted Ed with a passionate kiss as he reached down and fondled his length softly. Ed bit back a gasp but moaned lightly. "R-Roy. . ." Mustang's eyes opened as he kissed Ed's neck, licking faintly. "Are you ready?" Ed shut his eyes and with gritted teeth, mumbled, "Mmm-hmm."

He need not say anything more. Mustang automatically plunged himself inside the entrance of his lover once more, this time staying there until Ed adjusted to his size. Ed arched his back and cried out. Amused, Mustang smiled and sucked on the hollow of his neck, almost surely planting a future hiccie.

Ed couldn't believe this was happening. After the pain subsided, came his happiness and has he and Roy came together he knew that that happiness was something that couldn't be destroyed.

**Argh! I'm horrible at sex scenes. Was that absolutely awful? Jeez. . . Well, I did my best without exploding in embarrassment. The next chapter includes, cowering alchemists, pistol whipping, chase scenes, and a lot of tears.**


	5. Women Troubles

**Wow. . .So happy to know you all are sticking with me. Thanks all: **

**Icicle1321 – Just a harmless threat. Or is it. . .  
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Suicidal Kitsune – Yes, yay us!  
****Ellia-FMA-Addict – Thankies!  
Jade Cade – You shall be knighted as one of the loyally weird. **

**Chapter 5: Women Troubles**

When Ed awoke the next morning, Mustang was gone. Which was good for him because he didn't know how he could look the Colonel in the face after the night before. He sighed and ran a hand over his stomach, wondering if last night wasn't just a dream. He sighed and rose to his feet, figuring he'd have to face the Colonel sooner of later. He showered quickly, shivering as he felt and remembered all the places Mustang had touched and sighed, leaning against the shower wall.

_If I don't see him now, I may explode_, Ed thought randomly. There was an unexplainable tug at Ed's heart and he thought about how to approach the situation. He figured it should be tackled head-on. So with seriousness and determination etched all over his face, he walked into the Colonel's office without knocking. Said Colonel was sleeping on the couch, a newspaper over his chest. Ed raised an eyebrow then smiled. He shut the door behind him, knelt by Mustang, and gently kissed him on the neck.

Colonel Mustang's eyes opened a little to register what was going on, then closed again. "I'm having a dream. One filled with sexy, blonde, short alchemists." A vein popped in Ed's forehead. "Who're you calling a little shorty you wouldn't be able to see outside of a dream, you moron!" Mustang sighed and turned away, his back to him. "Fullmetal Alchemist," he said, as though pedaling an item for sale. "Wakes you up with a bang."

Ed sighed and leaned on him. " Roy. Why don't you start calling me Ed?" Mustang opened his eyes and looked at him. "I called you Ed last night." Ed smiled at him and planted a soft kiss on his lips. In response, Roy rose to a sitting position and Ed joined him on the couch. Mind you, their lips haven't broken contact. The younger alchemist leaned into him and pressed their lips together harder, tongues wrestling briefly.

Mustang broke away a little. "Compromising position, wouldn't you say?" Ed lowered his head onto the Colonel's chest. "Yes, I'd say so." They smiled at each other before someone knocked on the door. Immediately, the two broke apart as though they each had the plague. "Colonel Mustang," Winry's timid voice sounded out as she opened the door. "I was wondering if you knew where Ed- Oh hi, Ed." Al stood behind her.

Ed smiled, crossing his arms. "Hey Winry. What's up?" She lowered her head a little. "I've been thinking about what you said. . .And I figure me and Al have something to tell you to." Ed's interest was peaked, "What is it?" Winry took a deep breath and said lowly, "Al and I are in love."

Ed was surprised but said calmly. "Oh really? How long has that been going on?" Winry looked embarrassed, "Not long. I was going to tell you that day before but you kind of got the jump on me." Ed's face broke out into a smile. "Well I'm very happy for you two!"

"Really, brother?"

The teen nodded, "Yep." Winry was surprised once again, and Armstrong wasn't even in a skirt this time. "But Ed what about what you said to me?" He shrugged, "It's okay now. I found someone else to take up my love." He said and smiled back at Mustang. Her blue eyes went wide, "You mean...you...and Colonel Mustang?" Ed shrugged again, "Yeah, that's right. In fact, when I said that I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted to make him jealous." Winry's surprise suddenly turned to fury in a little less than a second.

"You were using me to make him jealous? Edward, you are the biggest jerk I've ever met in my life! I can't believe you would do something so very low and dirty. I can't even- How could you- What were you-?" At a loss for words, Winry did what came naturally and withdrew her wrench. Immediately, Ed clapped his hands together to block the Tool of Death but Winry was too quick for him. The wrench landed squarely in the middle of his head.

She swung again and struck him hard across the cheek, snapping his head to the side. Then she brought it back and backhanded him with the wrench. Ed then chose to fall and play dead. Like he had much of a choice. She brought up the wrench once more before Ed held out his hand. "Winry! No more. Besides, if you think what I did was rotten you should have seen what Mustang did." Winry's defense lowered as did the wrench as she asked curiously, "What did he do?"

"He made out with Hawkeye while she was drunk and made me watch!"

Winry's eyes went wide. "No. Way." Mustang gazed emotionlessly at her, "Way." She looked back down at Ed, "You shouldn't try to pass the blame, Edward." She sighed and knelt by him "Ed, I can't believe you could be so insensitive," Winry scolded the nearly unconscious boy. "All you had to do was tell me how you felt. God, you're such a jerk!"

Al nodded agreeably behind her. She turned and pointed her wrench at Mustang now. "And you too should be ashamed of yourself. You shouldn't mistreat and use people for your own purposes." Mustang was unmoved. He'd been watching this argument for the past ten minutes and Winry's little threat did nothing to faze him. "Maybe you're right but the deed is now done. No amount of regret will change that." Her hands went to her hips. "Oh and you just sit there all cool and calm but there's no way you'll get away with what you did."

Mustang was torn between interest and amusement. "Oh really? And what do you plan to do about it?" She didn't have the authority to hit him with her wrench but she knew someone who could hit him and with a much more dangerous weapon. Winry glared at him and again raised her wrench with a triumphant grin on her face.

"I'm gonna tell Ms. Hawkeye!"

As soon as she saw, Mustang's mouth open and eyes widen with surprise, she turned and fled the room. Al lingered long enough to say, "Oh boy. You guys are both going to get it." And he followed after Winry. Roy rose to his feet and urgently shook Ed to a somewhat state of consciousness. "Ed. Ed, wake up."

"You take that milk or I'll put it somewhere unpleasant," he said menacingly to some imaginary villain who force-fed milk to short, crazed alchemists. Roy smacked him. "Ed, listen to me. Would Winry really tell?" The question need not be answered. At that exact moment, Winry had located the Lieutenant Hawkeye. She tiptoed and whispered quickly in her ear.

-blink blink-

With a deep breath, Hawkeye turned away and headed for the main PA system office. She flicked on the system and said calmly, "All alchemists at this time should quickly and urgently exit HQ in as little time as is humanly possible." Roy stopped shaking Ed and listened then balked as Hawkeye added. "Except for the Flame and Fullmetal Alchemist."

Roy made a dash for the door only to find it locked. Someone had pushed a chair under the knob. (Winry: Wonder who. . . .) "Hell," he muttered and turned to the windows. Someone had tightened the screws around the windows. (Winry: Wow. . .) He could see the alchemists milling out into the front field, curious as to what was going on. He furiously beat the windows but no one heard or noticed. Ed had finally realized what was going on. "Uh, Roy. Now would be a good time to leave."

"I agree," the Colonel said and burnt the door to ash. As soon as he and Ed hit the hallway, Mustang felt the barrel of a gun hit the back of his head. "Don't move," Hawkeye said calmly. Mustang did just the opposite; he ran for his life as did Ed. Hawkeye walked slowly after them, knowing there was no escape for the likes of those two alchemists. And rightfully so, as Winry suddenly appeared blocking their path with a wrench wielded as threateningly as Hawkeye's gun.

"Going somewhere boys," she asked with a sneer.

Ed cowered behind Mustang. The colonel, on the other hand, raised a gloved hand and pointed ready to snap fingers in Winry's direction. "I would hate to damage you, Winry. But I ask that you-" He was cut off as a stinging pain ran over the back of his hand.

Hawkeye had fired, completely destroying the transmutation on the back of his glove and making him unable to snap anyway. "That's one." She cocked the gun, "Wanna go for the other?" Mustang gulped then raised his hands in the air in defeat. Hawkeye approached him from behind and gently slipped her arm over his shoulder and rested her hand on his chest. A brief swell of jealousy started in Ed's chest but he willed away when he remembered his and Roy's stupid jealousy had landed them there in the first place.

Hawkeye raised her gun before Mustang's face. "See it? A Colt .38 automatic fitted with a silencer. Heavy but compatible and quite efficient I might add." Mustang was sweating now, "Riza wait. Let me-" He was silenced as she fired a shot, grazing his leg, dropping him to one knee. She fired again and he went down all the way. "You'll never get promoted with those actions," Mustang said through gritted teeth.

"On the contrary, Colonel Mustang, if I told the Fuhrer what has transpired, I would easily be promoted to Brigadier General simply for not killing you. While you would be busted down to Second Lieutenant faster than you can snap your fingers." She fired once more, grazing his left arm.

Slowly as not to be detected, Ed quietly clapped his hands together to transmute an escape but Winry saw him. "Oh no you don't," she cried, throwing her wrench and striking him in the head. And by the power of my fingers, it flew back into her hand like a boomerang and Ed was dead.

J/K. Let's just call him semi-alive.

"Ed," Mustang turned to the fallen alchemist but his head snapped back almost immediately as he was smacked with the muzzle of Hawkeye's gun. He felt some of his back teeth loosen. Hawkeye had a look of calm on her face and Mustang felt himself shrink under her eyes. "Uh, Riza..." She raised the gun again and he cowered like a baby.

And that is how the two were left, even as the other State Alchemists filed back into the building. "What happened to the Fullmetal and Flame," someone asked.

"Women," is all someone else replied.

**DONE! I'll make one more chapter but don't wait up, I'm tired and at a writer's block.**


	6. Closing somewhat

**Phew. This story is awesomely exhausting. Or exhaustingly awesome. . .Forgive me, I'm rambling. My usual acknowledgements: **

**Tastyfacewash – No but what would you have done?  
PatrioticPuppy – Scary. . .Here ya go.  
Eds Lover – Trying. . .  
keosis-chan – Very.  
bake-san - Dead. It was kinda unintentional. . .  
Edward Mustang – I know, isn't it wonderful?  
rikuslovelyalchemistwriter – I suppose you'll have to keep reading.  
Neo Diji - -hands lollipop- Here.  
moony – Why, thank you! **

**Chapter 6: Closing - somewhat**

Ed had barely recovered from his injuries when he went looking for Mustang, and ultimately trouble, again. As usual, the Colonel was in his office. And with him was Hawkeye. She stood behind him, casually reading off a document in her left hand. In her right hand, she held her gun to the back of Mustang's head, nonchalantly. The Flame Alchemist's eyes would wander occasionally from his paperwork to attempt to catch a glimpse of her behind him when she would lightly press the gun into his head and send his eyes back to the paperwork.

The sight was somewhere between hilarious and terrifying.

"Am I...interrupting," Ed said timidly. Hawkeye shook her head, "Come in, Ed. I assume you want to speak to the Colonel." He nodded and stepped into the room. Hawkeye withdrew her gun and tucked it into her belt. "Don't you dare torch that work," she warned Mustang before stepping out into the hall. Ed smirked as soon as she was gone. "I see you're on a short leash." A corner of his mouth lifted, "Don't start with me, Fullmetal." He dropped his head onto his desk. "All day I've been kept at gunpoint. How annoying."

Ed hoisted himself onto the desk, letting his red coat slip from his shoulders. His automail gleamed in the light, momentarily entrancing Mustang. Ed sighed lightly, "We should run off." Mustang smirked, "Not gonna happen. Don't get me wrong; I'd love to. But unfortunately I have a gun-toting subordinate hot on my tail. Just because _you_ don't have any work to do doesn't mean the rest of us aren't busy."

Ed sucked his teeth and looked out the window. "You just love feeling superior to me." Mustang raised an eyebrow and watched him curiously. Ed stood up and casually deposited himself in Mustang's lap. The Colonel raised an eyebrow but didn't object. Ed stretched smiling and softly kissed him on the lips. Almost too eagerly, Mustang returned the kiss.

Ed entwined his and Mustang's fingers gently slipping off his glove. The older alchemist was somewhat lost in his thoughts about the one connected to his lips. So much so he didn't notice when Ed replaced Mustang's glove on his hand. His eyes opened surprised, "What are-?" before Ed snapped and the work was on fire. He flipped away grinning brightly as Mustang rose to his feet, "Why you little-!"

Ed clapped his hands together and slammed them on the ground, a hole opening in the floor as he all but disappeared. He quickly fixed the hole with a smile at Mustang just as Hawkeye entered the room. The female military officer gave him a dark glance and drew her gun.

"Fullmetal runt," he whispered lowly as Hawkeye fired.

Ed grinned, "I think I'm gonna like this."

**Good? Maybe I'll make more chapters...Maybe. Let me know what you want. If not this is the ending.**

**Aishiteru, minna-san. Arigato and Ja ne.**

**IMPORTANT: STAY TUNED FOR MY NEW ELYSIAxWRATH FIC. IT'LL BE OUT IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO. **


	7. Equivalent Exchange

**REVIEWERS! **

**Tastyfacewash – I try.  
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** **Shelby**** - -grins- Thanks.  
Edward Mustang – Snap's right.  
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fpa – Never that.  
animelvr4eva – Yay.  
Eds Lover – Then you shall have it!  
rikuslovelyalchemistwriter – Will do. **

**Chapter 7: Equivalent Exchange **

Mustang suffered many injuries that day and Ed would grin whenever they passed. Hawkeye was keeping the Colonel under close surveillance so he had no chance to exact his revenge on Ed but after many failed attempts he decided to give up. It was a lot easier to simply tease Ed. It's what he did best.

Ed was gone from as usual on another mission for the Philosopher's Stone and returned empty-handed. So Mustang took the duty of bringing Ed's worst interrogation to life.

"So struck out on the Philosopher's Stone again, huh? How am I supposed to keep funding this wild goose chase. Money doesn't grow on tress there, chief!" Ed's eye twitched fiercely as Mustang came to his feet. "Huh? Ed? Where'd you go? Oh, there you are. I couldn't see you over my paperwork seeing as your short and all." As Mustang laughed Ed rose to his feet and got right in the Colonel's face.

"I told you to quit making fun of my height. Or my _absence of height_ as you so eloquently put it. I'm still growing, you son of a bitch!" Mustang took this opportunity to fasten his lips onto Ed's with crushing force. The young alchemist's eyes shot open in surprise but then slowly drifted close as Mustang's tongue played over his own.

When they broke apart, Mustang smirked at him, seeing how easily he stopped Ed's rage. "So what now, Fullmetal?" Ed shook his head, unbelievably. "What now? You tell me, Colonel." Mustang sighed, shaking his head and smiling at Ed. He stuck his hand into his pocket and withdrew a set of keys and held them out to Ed. "For you."

"What. . ." Ed said, trembling fingers reaching for the keys. "Keys to my place," he replied, matter-of-factly. "Where's the equivalence in that," Ed asked, grinning. "Idiot. Equivalent exchange only applies to alchemy. Which we are not doing now."

Ed smiled, "But we will be. And soon." He smirked and kissed the Colonel back, long and deep.

**Short I know but I don't know how to close this thing off. It seems people don't want it to close anyway. IMPORTANT: I only have one review for my other FMA fic. That makes me eternally sad. **

**Please review it or I may be persuaded to discontinue this one. Besides in chap 2, Mustang gets his greatest wish. Can you guess what it is? **


	8. Ed's Hair

**Tastyfacewash – Always my first reviewer. . .  
puffin – Knew you would.  
PatrioticPuppy – Heh heh. So threats _do_ work.  
Eds Lover – As do ** **I.****  
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xxFaiaxx – YES!  
Hikari-Aoi – Thank so? Hm. . . **

**Chapter 8: Ed's Hair**

Ed was fast asleep when Mustang came home. The Colonel stopped and raised an eyebrow as he looked at the door to his bedroom. Ed had decorated it with the same face he put on silly transmutations. Bug eyes, tongue stuck out, and that same little strand of hair that Ed himself separated from the braid.

He opened the door and stopped, stunned. The walls were crimson, the red color in Ed's jacket. On one wall was the symbol that rested on the back of Ed's coat, that Al bore on the shoulder of his armor. Over several different walls was Ed's transmutation face. From the beginning, Mustang had an eye for Ed's detail to things, the way he crafted his likeness into whatever he was transmuting.

He then turned eyes to the young sleeping alchemist. First thing he noticed was that Ed had no shirt on. That was good. Second thing he noticed was that his hair was out. Mustang's jaw dropped slightly. Ed plus no braid, plus no shirt, makes for an interesting equation. He leaned over him and kissed him on the cheek. "Wake up, Ed."

Ed's eyes tightened and he rolled over. "Go away," he muttered. His hair was so long when it was unconstricted, makes him look like a girl. Roy blinked then laid himself gently over Ed's back, kissing him again. "_Edward_." Ed blinked sleepily and turned over, "What's up, Roy?" Immediately, Roy fastened his lips over Ed's, kissing roughly.

Ed's eyes closed and he drifted back onto his pillow, smiling. "I must be still dreaming." His hair, all over the place, unfettered. "What's with you Fullmetaling my room, huh?" Ed sighed, opening his eyes fainted. "I think it looks nice." Roy snorted, "You would." Mustang moved away a little as Ed rose to a sitting position and stretched, yawning.

"God," Mustang said lowly, bending over, trying to hide a growing erection. "What," Ed asked curiously. "Your hair," he managed. "It's a total turn-on." Ed grinned now, "Oh really?" He flicked his hair over his shoulder. "I think it makes me look like a girl, when it's unbraided." Mustang was under the heat. "It does. But that's not way I like it." He longed to run his fingers through it.

Ed did just that. His fingers passed easily through the golden locks as he looked suspiciously innocent. Mustang launched himself at Ed, knocking him back down and pressing a ferocious kiss on him. Ed laughed when he got his mouth back. "Nothing but a sex machine, huh?" Mustang kissed his neck, "So tell me, Ed. Where'd you learn to braid?" Ed smirked, kissing him back. "It's not hard. Winry taught me but sometimes I let her do it."

Ed noticed the catch in Mustang's eyes as the Colonel reached up to touch Ed's hair. The younger alchemist slipped out of his reach though. "Na uh," he said, leaning on the doorframe. "You won't get my hair that easily." He tilted his head all the back, so said hair was completely spread out. "Come and get it, Flame," he said and headed down the stairs.

Roy smirked and got up off the bed heading after his conquest.

-

The next morning, an unsuspecting visitor would have entered the Mustang household and thought a group orgy had taken place. Clothes were strewn everywhere, furniture toppled, the likes you couldn't perceive. The two alchemists had played a new game, dubbed Keep Away Kiss. The object was for one to ambush the other with a kiss, grope, or something along those lines. By the end of the night, the score was Mustang- 64, Ed- 59.

Ed pulled himself out of the hot tub, where he'd fallen asleep and trudged towards the kitchen. _What a pain in the ass, _he thought_. Literally. Haven't had a night like that ever. _He sighed and started to make coffee. He'd just started his cup when Mustang came in, looking sleepy. "Morning," he yawned and started to fix himself a cup. Ed sipped in silence, head thrown back, eyes closed.

They opened though when he felt Mustang standing behind him. "Hey what are you-" he broke off when Mustang pushed his head up. He took three sections of Ed's hair and started to braid it.

**Yes! I'm through my writer's block! I thought this chapter was awesome, no? The chapter came from me being less lazy. This would be a decent ending but nope! Next chapter, Mustang meets Izumi!**

**Hell, you don't need a preview for that. Keep reviewing, my loves. This story and Elysia's. Ja ne.**


	9. Telling Teacher

**Yeah, know what? It's Christmastime. Deal. Review time! **

**Edward Mustang – Is that a good 'Feh' or a contempt 'Feh'?  
tastyfacewash – Thought you might say that.  
xxFaiaxx – Here you are!  
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Fox Loves Shinigami – Chapter.  
Eds Lover – Thanks.  
AngelSlayerKrow – Scary.  
PatrioticPuppy I was gonna try Fullmetallify. It didn't work. **

**Chapter 9: Telling Teacher**

Ed stared out at the falling snow from inside Mustang's office. The Colonel was resting amidst his paperwork. "Are you almost done," Ed asked, with a whine in his voice. "Don't be such a baby," Mustang scolded lightly. "But there's _so_ much more you could be doing, if you catch my drift."

"Listen Fullmetal, I don't need a bullet in my head compliments of Hawkeye for a Christmas present for skipping out on my work again." He paused then said lightly, "Do you want your Christmas present early?" Ed blinked then nodded. "Come here then and close your eyes." Ed did as he was told with his eyes closed.

He sensed Mustang moving around him, felt something come up around his neck, then close off with a solid snap. Ed opened his eyes blinking, "What the hell?" He reached up and felt his fingers prick something sharp. A spike. "What is this?" He asked reaching up for a better feel and getting no answer from Mustang but wide smile.

The Fullmetal Alchemist was wearing a spiked collar.

"Why, you bastard-!" He was cut off however as the door was kicked open. "Merry Christmas!" someone's loud voice said brightly.

Ed turned, his eyes widening in surprise. "Teacher?"

It was indeed, Izumi Curtis, perched on her husband's shoulder, wearing a big smile. "Hiya Ed," she said. He blinked still in shock. _What had put her in such a good mood? Teacher hardly ever reacts like that to me._ "Teacher? What are you doing here?"

"I can't come to say Merry Christmas to my favorite students? And Happy soon to be birthday to you." She hopped from Sig's shoulder, smiling. "Why are you so happy, Teacher?" Sig answered for her, "Winter always gets her like this." Izumi smiled. "We just intend to stay for a bit then we're heading back to Dublith."

Ed smiled then remembered Mustang. "Oh Teacher, this is Colonel Roy Mustang, my superior. Mustang, this is my teacher Izumi Curtis and her husband, Sig." Mustang smiled extending his hand. "Nice to meet you, Izumi." Izumi crossed her arms and gave him a skeptical look. Despite, the giddiness Christmas instilled in her, she still bore a hatred for State Alchemists. "I suppose it's okay to let dogs roam inside here, huh?"

Mustang lowered his hand, blinking in surprise. She hadn't even tried to fake some kind of niceness towards him. Talk about crust. "Edward," she said, sharply and Ed straightened immediately. "Take Sig and me to a room." The order was direct, effective. Ed immediately headed for the door. Mustang blinked again. Ed had never followed one of _his_ orders that quickly.

But as the youngest alchemist made his way past his teacher, she grabbed the collar of his jacket. "What is _that_," she said, having noticed his new collar/choker. "Um, an early Christmas present from a friend," he mumbled lowly. She raised an eyebrow. "It looks kinky," she said with faint distaste. "Who'd give you something like that?" Ed lowered his gaze. "A kinky person," he whispered.

Not long after, Izumi had set off with Sig to check out the stores and Christmas shop. Ed sat on the steps outside, staring into the snow. Christmastime may make Izumi giddy but it only brought up bad memories. His birthday was coming soon, next week in fact. It was snowing when he first took the Alchemy exam. And it was snowing the night Nina . . .

He shook his head, clearing the image of the huge blood splat on the alley wall and didn't look up as he heard someone approaching. "You okay, Ed," Mustang asked. He nodded. "Yeah fine." But Mustang could sense the vagueness, the lies under Ed's words. He decided to do thing of something to do for his secret lover. But of course, there was the obstacle of Izumi that still stood.

"Edward!"

Izumi once again stood in the doorway of Mustang's office. "Come on, Ed. We've got work to do." He blinked, sweatdropping slightly. "Uh, Teacher." She raised an eyebrow, "That is an order." Mustang rose to his feet. "With all due respect, Izumi, I am in need of Ed at the moment." She acted like she hadn't even heard him. Instead, she walked in and stood over Ed. Though she looked at him, she addressed Mustang. "Then I suggest you find another time to be in need of him." She grasped Ed's shirt collar. "We're going."

He slammed his hands on the desk, "Now, see here-" Izumi looked back at him with fierce eyes and he faltered, like the very first time he'd met her when she burst into the infirmary ward demanding to be taken to the Elrics. Satisfied, she turned and left pulling Ed after her.

Mustang sighed, resettling in his chair. He'd never met a woman like her, besides Hawkeye. It was useless to ask her for any help; despite their differences the two women had become friends. Oh well. There was still Ed's birthday to consider. And that could turn everything around.

-

"Surprise!" Everyone jumped out as Ed opened the door then stopped in surprise. Winry grinned at him, "We knew you didn't want a big party so we just got the regulars together." They were all there: Hawkeye, Izumi, Sig, Breda, Armstrong, Fuery, Falman, Havoc, Al, Winry, and Mustang. "Let me guess: The Colonel put all this together?" Mustang nodded, "Oh was it so obvious?"

The party progressed without too many hitches. Izumi was laughing with Hawkeye in the corner of the room, carefully keeping a watchful eye on the other military officers, and Sig and Armstrong were arm wrestling. "People, people, attention!" Mustang called from his place, cross-legged on the desk next to Ed. The Colonel was a little drunk. Only a little.

He flicked aside the tie that was tied around his head and took another drink that was handed to him by Havoc. "We're giving congrats to Ed for his birthday." Everyone clapped. "But more importantly," he downed his drink. "Over our new-found love!" And no one could have been more surprised than Ed when Mustang planted a firm kiss on his lips. In front of everyone.

Most people around the office, knew already or had suspicion but Izumi and Sig were caught off guard. Ed sputtered as Mustang broke off their kiss. "What are you _doing_?" Mustang smirked, "Lighten up, Fullmetal, it's a party." Ed didn't need to turn to feel Izumi's eyes on him.

She approached not long after. "So you are. . .lovers," she said, directing her question at Mustang. He nodded, "That's right." Ed noticed with faint surprise that Izumi looked more confused than angry. This was definitely a new issue. It wouldn't have been _her_ particular choice but she was far from telling Ed how to make choices in his sexual life and she voiced that.

"Teacher," Ed said, quietly. "The important question is: will you accept it?" She sighed then smiled, "Of course Ed, you're my apprentice. Whatever you do is strictly up to you." She turned, glaring at Mustang and raising a fist. "But if you ever do anything to harm this boy, I'll make you wish I was never born." Mustang blinked, "Duly noted, Izumi."

Ed smiled. It felt good to be accepted for his choices, to be treated like an adult. He decided he liked the feeling.

**Done. Okay, I am most definitely going to try and end this story next chapter. I love you all, my reviewers, for your loyalty and patronage.**


	10. Closing For real now

**Chapter 10: Closing (For real now)  
**

Ed was lounging, waiting patiently for Mustang to get back from his meeting with the Fuhrer. He started, though, when Roy banged the door open and shut. Ed blinked, "What's the matter?" Mustang sighed in disgust, "Another stupid transfer. I'm being sent to East City."

Ed shrugged nonchalantly. "Then I'll go with you." Mustang looked at him. "But you haven't been assigned to go." Ed turned to him, "Then _why_ don't you just ask for me to go? You did it for Hawkeye and the others when you first came to Central."

"People will question my motives. They did so last time."

"So what? Let 'em."

Mustang smirked, "You're very determined, I see." Ed shrugged, "Where you go, I go. It's that simple." Mustang blinked then sat beside Ed. The younger alchemist rose to his knees and leaned into the Colonel, brushing their lips together. This only served to arouse Mustang as he slipped his tongue between Ed's lips.

A knock at the door.

"Go away," Mustang said. Hawkeye opened the door anyway. "Sir, you have work to finish." Mustang groaned. "Can't I do it another time," he whined childishly. Hawkeye shook her head, "Unfortunately not." She dropped the papers onto his desk. "Better get to it," she said then left.

"It never ends," he groaned. Ed sighed, "Let's go Colonel." Mustang blinked, "Go? Go where?"

"Away. To anywhere."

Mustang blinked then smiled. "Sounds like a plan." Hawkeye could be heard outside, "Don't even think about it." Ed pointed to the window and grinned. Mustang rolled his eyes and opened it. Ed jumped onto the ground just as Hawkeye pushed open the door. "Hold it," she shouted, firing into the air. The sudden gunshot turnred Mustang's jump into an uncoordinated fall.

Ed pulled him to his feet and the two headed for the gates. "Dammit," Hawkeye muttered, firing after them. "You two come back here!" Ed laughed and turned, waving at her, "See ya, Lieutenant!"

Mustang was laughing as well, while dodging Hawkeye's bullets. It felt good to stray from the rigidity of military rules. He made a note to do it again soon.

When the two returned the paperwork was gone.

**END! Had to finish with Mustang escaping his work. It wasn't much of an ending, I'll admit but bear with me please. Thank you all for reading, my gratitude is with you. Tell your friends and come again. Ja!**


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